The Art of Kissing
by pinK miKan
Summary: With the Valentine Ball coming up and Cho desperate for a snog, Harry needs kissing lessons and who can be a better or rather, worse teacher than Malfoy?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the other character do not belong to me. They belong to J.K Rowling

Summary: Harry needs kissing lessons and who could be a better (or worse) teacher than Malfoy?

Warning: Bad Grammer.SLASH. If you don't like boy/boy relationships, don't read this.

A.N: This is my first fanfic and I hope you'll enjoy it! Please review v !

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Chapter One

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong, indeed. That thing was the-boy-who-lived, Harry Potter. Draco looked around him and saw Potter staring at him, like he had been doing for the past week. He was also _coincidently _in the same place that Draco himself was, and these _coincidents_ have been happening _a lot _since Monday. _Very strange.._ Draco contemplated the reasons for his nemisis's strange actions._ He... can't have fallen in love with me, could he? _He shook his head, _Nah, impossible._ He smirked as Potter started, embarrassed at being caught staring and scurried away, his two sidekicks in tow. _Oh, well, we'll know soon enough._

He wasn't too worried about it. After all, what could Potter do to him?

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"What did you just say!" Draco shrieked.

Harry winced at the racket Draco was making and peered nervously down the corridor. "Keep it down, Malfoy." Harry hissed.

Draco opened his mouth to make remark about how_ no-one tells a Malfoy to keep it down you XXXXX_ (add what you like), but stopped. The situation that he and Potter were in was too bizarre for one of their petty arguments. It was true he_ had_ been expecting something strange, but something like _this?_ He had been out for a relaxing stroll, minding his own business when this black blur suddenly appeared threw itself at him and hauled him into a deserted corridor. He was just about to hex the attacker when he realised that the attacker was Potter and he stopped. Not that the reason he stopped was because the person was Potter -in fact it served as an even better reason to hex the attacker- he had stopped because of the oddly determined expression on his nemesis's face. "Hear me out, Malfoy." Potter had said and he, uncharacteristically had listened. If only he didn't... If only he didn't because the words that came out of that boy's mouth was _what?_

Draco breathed deeply and asked, more calmly this time. "You said you wanted what lessons?"

Potter looked down at the floor and fidgeted. Years passed as he fidgeted. He tried to clear his throat and failed. He was about to continue fidgeting when he saw a dangerous gleam in Draco's eyes that he recognised as the one Hermione had whenever she was about to lose it, and stopped. "Kis... Kis...Kissing lessons," he finally croaked out.

"Kissing lessons..." The blond boy repeated faintly. He stared at Potter. Potter had completely lost it. The pressure of having to defeat the Dark Lord must have caught up with him. "Come on, Harry." he said cautiously, taking the boy by the arm "We'll get you to see Madam Pomfrey."

"I haven't gone insane, Malfoy." Harry said hotly, brushing off Draco's hand.

"Oh crap, then you must be possessed. Wait here, I'll go and get Dumbledore."

"It's not that either! It's just that..." Harry's eyes darted from the floor to Draco's face, blushed and quickly looked back down at the floor again.

"Shit Potter," Malfoy moaned voicing his deepest fears; "You've got a crush on me haven't you?"

"You wish, Malfoy!" Harry exclaimed fixing one of his deadliest glares on Draco- which wasn't really effective- Draco thought -Not compared to the ones that the Mudblood Granger gives, it wasn't.-

"So, this wasn't some dirty trick you're playing to try and get me to kiss you?" Malfoy asked suspiciously.

"What on earth would make you think that _anyone_ let alone _I_ would want to kiss you?" Harry said, deeply exasperated.

Relief flooded through Draco at those words but he was also instantly indignant. "For no other reason than the known fact that I'm irresistibly sexy and unbelievably good-looking of course!" he said truthfully. "But that's not the point. What was all that gibberish about you wanting kissing lessons for?"

A long period of silence. Draco crossed his arms and waited. "Uh... Um... You know about the... Valentine Ball?"

Who wouldn't? Just a week ago, Dumbledore had stood up and with his eyes twinkling madly announced that there was to be a Valentine Ball on Valentine's Day this year. "A day for _lovers!_" the old man had sighed amongst the excited squeals of Lavender Brown clones. Absolutely ridiculous. Typical of the mad old bat to come up with something like that. This was worse than the ridiculous cupids that the idiot Lockhart had came up with. "Yes, I do." Draco sneered, silver eyes glinting maliciously as he saw Harry squirm with discomfort. "So what?" he pressed._ Yes, this was what he used to - Potter torture._

Harry shrank from Draco's interrogation while resisting the urge to run outside and drown himself in the lake. What the hell was he doing? Asking for _kissing lessons_? From_ Malfoy_? Out of all the students,_ teachers even_ at Hogwarts to ask, he just had to go and ask the great ferret Malfoy. Harry turned around, half expecting Voldemort to dash in and declare his never-ending love for Dumbledore.

"Well, Potter?" Malfoy said, interrupting Harry's thoughts.

Harry turned a pretty shade of pink. "Uh... I'm going to err... ask Cho to go with me..."

"Which is very surprising news, seeing as you have been going out with her since the fifth year." Malfoy drawled sarcastically. Truly he had no idea how Potter could manage to go out with that girl for such a long time. Sure, she was one of the prettier girls in Hogwarts but all that sniveling and whining that woman did was enough to put to put anyone off.

"Um... How do I say this..." Harry mumbled, "Ah! Um... What do people do after they finished dancing and all that?"

"Make out, have sex." Draco swiftly answered.

Harry's face was a delightful mixture of fascination and disgust. "No! Merlin, Malfoy. How the hell did you get such a sick mind? They kiss! People... kiss..." he trailed away bashfully.

Draco's face was another delightful combination of disbelief and awe. After all those years of having both women _and _men throw themselves at Potter's golden feet, here he was getting wimped out over the thought of kissing his own girlfriend._ Unbelievable. And I here I was thinking that Gryffindors were supposed to be brave...or maybe Potter's just plain stupid -but then, that's Gryffindor behavior as well..._"We...might...might kiss you know?" he heard Harry stammer.

"Isn't that wonderful! Our little pottykins finally getting to kiss his girlfriend..." Draco stopped and rewinded what Harry had just said. "Wait," he said slowly," You're not trying to tell me that you've never kissed the girl that you've been dating with for over a year?"

"Of course I have!" Harry said defensively.

"Then what are you squirming and squealing _and_ worst of all asking me for kissing lessons for?"

Draco heard some mumbling that sounded like, "... not sure... really bad..." and suddenly comprehension dawned. Every single demented act of Potter's was clear now.

"You're worried that you're going to make a fool of yourself and get yourself rejected by Cho Chang because you're afraid that you're a lousy kisser."

Confirming his theory by the look on Potter's face he continued analysing, "So you decided to come running to me for help because," he smirked and adjusted his robes, "I'm a _hell_ of a good kisser."

"I did not go running to you for help," Harry retorted looking revolted, "And what on earth would make you think that you are a (quote Draco Malfoy aka self-obsessed ferret) _hell of a good kisser_?"

"I'm not then?" Draco asked raising a mocking eyebrow. "Well, I guess you won't need any of my help then, would you, Potter?" Saying this, the evil teen turned and walked slowly away from Harry.

Draco counted slowly in his head - _bet he cracks soon -_ He walked with even more deliberate steps. When he counted to six, he heard Harry crack. Yes, he actually _heard_ the boy crack. Feet pounded up to him and Harry's hand leeched itself around his wrist.

"Okay, Malfoy. I know that you're a good kisser." Harry admitted grudgingly.

"You do?" Malfoy swung around and looked closely at Harry's face. "Strange," he mused a devilish look on his face, "I don't remember having shared any secret kisses with you, before..."

Harry blushed. "Quit it, Malfoy" the smaller boy pleaded weakly.

_What if I don't want to? - _Draco laughed quietly as Harry's face darkened into a magnificent shade of red -_Harry is so cute when he gets flustered._ "I would have loved to give you some private lessons," he said leaning closer to Harry, silver eyes never leaving the Gryffindor's emerald ones. "_If_ I didn't hate you so much." he finished triumphantly._ After all _they haven't hated each other for all these years just so they'd start to be teacher and student in the art of kissing just for one crazy reason that involved in impressing _Cho Chang_.

The hope that had shone in Harry's eyes diminished. Why would Malfoy ever want to help him? He was so preoccupied in his own puny little worries that he had never thought about how Malfoy would have felt. _Malfoy hated him._ It was a known fact but hearing the words coming out of Malfoy's mouth made it so much more...hurtful. Not that he had any right to feel hurt._ How could Malfoy not hate him?_ Thinking about all the things that he had done to Malfoy since their aquaintance made Harry feel more ashamed than he had ever felt in his 16 years of existence.

"Yeah," Harry said heavily and started to walk away, "Sorry for wasting your time, Malfoy..."

Draco was momentarily lost for words. He had thought that Potter would snarl back his hatred for him, not apologise and walk off looking absolutely revolted with himself. Seemed like Potter really was sorry_ -not that he needed to be seeing as it was you that started all the fights_- Draco promptly squashed the (truthful) little voice in his head and decided that it was time for this foolishness to stop. This hatred thing was getting _old_.

"Harry!" Draco called out after the dejected Gryffindor. Harry turned and showed Draco the most depressing face that he had ever had the misfortune to come across.

"What?" Harry asked drearily.

"Seeing as you're in a state that is too depressing to be amusing even to _me_, I've decided to put our past differences behind us. How about that, Harry? Let's pretend that nothing bad has happened between us for the past... five and a half years." Draco said cheerily extending his right hand for Harry to shake.

Harry looked at Draco for a long while before tentatively shaking the hand in front of him. "Sure ...Draco." And all was right in the world again, birds chirping, bees buzzing -until Harry remembered the reason to why he and Draco were in this situation. "_Would it be wise to bring the subject _back_ to the kissing lessons?"_ Harry thought nervously.

"And that means that I'd be fine with those kissing lessons you wanted, of course." Draco said making Harry sigh in relief. _Hey, something is seriously wrong, Harry Potter sighing in relief over something that I, Draco Malfoy said? We can't have that!_ So Draco -being the evil and ever-calculating Malfoy- added, "There will be price, of course."

Harry knew at once that he was doomed. The look on Draco's face said, "I know that we're not enemies anymore but that doesn't mean that I'm going to be any less evil, you know."

"How about this, in return for one kissing lesson, all you'd have to do is do something that I tell you to. Simple enough. Wouldn't you agree, Harry?" Draco said silkily. Both boys knew (one in pride and one in terror) that the things that came out of Draco's perverse mind would be far from simple and even if they were- would always result in something so terrifying that both trembled when they thought about it.(One in anticipation and one with:-terror again.) Harry knew that there was no way that he could say no.

Knowing that there was no way that Harry would say no Draco cast one last look at the endearing look of horror at Harry's face before sauntering away.

He was going to have _a lot_ of fun with Harry.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the other characters belong to J.K Rowling.

Summary: Harry needs kissing lessons and who could be a better (or worse) teacher than Malfoy?

Warning:SLASH. If you don't like boy/boy relationships, don't read this. Some swearing. 

A.N: Oh my god, I nearly killed myself trying to take out my contact lenses. I was screaming and half-crying for the entire _hour_. I hate to think of tomorrow night..."That's boring! We're not interested in you!" You're probaly screaming. Sorry, I just need to get rid of the inner trauma. My family was incredibly _un_sympathetic.

On with the second chapter, then.

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Chapter Two

Moans.

"Is this okay, Malfoy?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Call me Draco!" Draco gasped.

More moans.

"Does this feel okay, though? Am I hurting you?" Harry asked brow creased with concern.

"No!" Draco screamed in his frustration, "Harder! Harder godamn it!"

Harry hurriedly complied and Draco let out a sigh of pleasure. "That felt nice after you got the hang of it, Harry. Now, on to my shoulders slave, they're really stiff."

_Damn you,Dra- Malfoy, _Harry thought bitterly as he massaged Draco's shoulders, shuddering as the boy ohhhed and ahhhed. _What the hell was he playing at scaring me like that?_

Harry had -following the instructions on the task sheet that Draco had passed him during Potions- sneaked to the room of requirement at midnight and after opening the door met up with a horrifying sight. Among the flickering candlelight, exotic furnishings, Draco Malfoy sat on a luxurious bed wearing nothing except the towel tied around his waist. Then he had beckoned the stricken boy to him, poured some oil onto the dazed boy's fingers, chafed them and after a playful pat on Harry's arse ordered him to "do his thing". It was then that Harry snapped out of his daze screaming and ranting on about not doing any sexual favours for _anyone _or for _anything _in the world.

Draco twisted around and gave Harry a sly look. Reading the mixture of humiliation and fury etched across Harry's features like a book, Draco knew that the bespectacled boy was thinking about "earlier events". The memory of Harry's blabbering and his embarrassment afterwards made Draco snicker.

"Disappointed, Harry?" Draco asked sensually.

"Shut up, Malfoy?" Harry snapped, "I am _glad _that for once your sick mind is thinking of things other than sex."

"Oh, so we were talking about sex, then?" Draco asked innocently, "Why Harry, how could you ever think of such things?"

Harry studiously ignored him, pretending to be concentrating on his job while he stared fixedly at his hands. Or maybe he _was _concentrating, just not on his job or hands. He was concentrating on what was _under_ his hands. With pale flawless skin and long lithe limbs, Malfoy's body was... Harry gulped and tried to avert his eyes, -_what am I doing?- _he failed, miserably.

"So Harry," Draco started conversationally, breaking the stifling silence, "Why're you so choked up about kissing? We know that you've kissed before -_or so you say_- how were they?"

"It was wet." Came the subdued reply.

"Well, that's good isn't it?" Malfoy said irritably, "Didn't know you had it in you, Potter."

"Because she was crying"

Suppressing the strange surge of elation Draco smirked, "Oh," he sneered cheerfully, "Are you that bad at kissing?"

"Maybe I am..." Harry said worriedly. "You know, I had this exact conversation with Ron last year and that's what... bought me here..."

"You mean, you jumped voluntarily into the enemy's lair because something _the Weasel_ said?" Draco said incredulously, "And what do you mean by _exact conversation_?"

"It's true!"

"Probably the only intelligent conversation the Weasel ever had." And before Harry could protest another thought hit Draco so hard that he quickly swung around and sat on the bed facing Potter. "Tell me, Harry," he said solemnly, "When did this happen?"

"Before Christmas,"

"Last year?"

"... The year before last..."

Draco took a deep breath. "Don't tell me that the kiss that we're discussing now is the first and only kiss that you and Cho Chang ever had."

An embarrassed silence passed in which Harry slowly nodded his head.

Draco buried his face into his hands, "Should've known," he moaned, "And here I was thinking that it was just a few nasty experiences..."

Harry waited patiently for Draco to collect himself.

"So," Draco continued, swinging back onto the bed and motioning for Harry to continue with his task "You've somehow managed to avoid kissing Chang for all that time but now, with the Valentine Ball coming you have no choice, do you?"

Harry nodded again. It was true, after that first disastrous event that had no feeling whatsoever, Harry had avoided all situations that might involve kissing or end up in kissing. This had worked quite fine except that lately, Cho was getting annoyingly pushy, whiney and increasingly harder to avoid. Now, with that Valentine thingy, Cho had taken to fluttering her eyelashes and puckering her lips at him in the most ridiculous way. _This _was what made Harry finally decide to accept his fate and _that _led to... this. He really was very worried about his kissing abilities -Cho had been crying when they first kissed, so she must've been distracted- What would happen if he was really lousy? Would Cho be so disgusted that she'll dump him on the spot?

"What about you, Malfoy?" Harry asked, forcefully pushing these disagreeable thoughts from his mind, "When and who was your first kiss?"

"For the last time Harry, call me Draco." Draco said in a bored voice "Third year, Pansy Parkinson."

"Were you two going out,then?" Harry asked feeling slightly put out.

"No, it was just something that we both wanted to try out."

"But you went to the ball with her in Fourth year!"

"I had no one that I wanted to go with and she had no one that she wanted to go with, so we went together. So what?"

"Oh," Harry breathed. "So are you two going to go to the ball together this year?"

"Most likely. Our taste is too high for the _pathetic _people here at Hogwarts."

"Hey!" Harry protested. Draco laughed and the two of them fell into a comfortable silence.

Well, it was comfortable until Harry again become painfully aware of the smooth skin beneath his fingertips. His hands moved effortlessly across Draco's back and over his arms.Harry peeped at Draco's long legs and wondering if the skin on Draco's legs would be as smooth, gently ran his hands down Draco's legs.

_Shit,_ Draco thought, what was Harry doing? If he went on like this... Too late, Draco was getting... Aroused. Bad. _Gotta make him stop..._ He trembled as Harry moved his hands down his legs and back up again.

"Stop, Potter." Draco finally managed to strain out.

"Why?" Harry asked feeling rather disappointed. He had really enjoyed -though he would have died to admit it- running his hands over Draco's smooth skin. It felt so nice and... comfortable. Warm, unlike Draco's icy appearance.

"Because I want someone to turn around and I've got a feeling that if I did you'd jump me." Draco said in what he hoped to be a matter-of-fact voice. "And unfortunately I have no desire to be jumped by you so I have scheduled someone after you that I wouldn't mind being jumped on. So would you kindly leave and I will tell you about the lesson tomorrow."

The offended boy left in a flurry of insults (perverted prick), rude hand gestures and sharp pokes at Draco's side.

Listening to Harry's footsteps fade away Draco flipped around, easing the pain at his crotch. _Damn Harry,_ he thought as he stepped into the shower room that had suddenly appeared, _Who would have thought that he would be so good with his hands?_

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Next day Harry woke up feeling angry and twitchy. His dreams had been plagued with the images of someone's back which had beautiful smooth skin. In his dream, he wanted to touch that skin _so_ much but the person was always _just_ out of reach and would say in sneering tones,"Want to jump me,_ Harry?_" Harry had a sinking feeling he knew the identity of this person and that this person definitely _wasn't _Cho Chang.

His was still in a bad mood a little while later at the great hall until he received a letter from You Know Who (not that You Know Who) with the words:

_Harry,_

_Meet me at the room of requirement today, midnight._

_love _

_Draco_

_P.S Great massage, Harry. Care to give another one?_

After reading it he had looked up to see the offending person wink at him and then look away as if nothing had happened.Quickly hiding the letter from Ron and Hermione's prying eyes, he finished his breakfast feeling slightly better.

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After carefully folding his invisibility cloak and hiding it in his robes Harry walked into the room of requirement to find it rather different from the night before. The room of requirement now had a warm crackling fire, sofas and the entire map of Hogwarts pinned to the wall. Draco was sitting on one of the sofas and waiting, rather impatiently for him.

"Your late, Potter." Draco snapped.

Harry checked his watch. It was five past midnight.

"Only for five minutes,"

"I don't care," Draco's eyes gleamed evilly, "Next time you're late..."

Indicating for Harry to take a seat Draco stood up and sauntered over to the large map of Hogwarts that was on the wall.

"The skill of kissing is very important, but the place that you kiss in is also very important. If you want this kiss to be -in your case- _romantic_, the spot that you pick to kiss in plays an important part." Draco drawled. "Since it is obvious that you have nearly no experience in kissing, it would be wise for you to find a spot that would encourage things to fall into place by itself. I'm guessing that it was Chang that kissed you first?"

Harry nodded, feeling embarrassed.

"Where did this happen?"

"Here, under the mistletoe," Harry said, blushing.

"Aren't you two original." Draco sneered.

"Well," Draco continued in his Snape-like way, "We'll have to find places like that. Places that you can take Chang to for your intimate snogging session." Lengthening his wand into a pointer he pointed to several places on the map. "Good places, bad places." He pointed to other places on the map. "Places you might like to go to for a casual snog: abandoned classrooms, corridors."

Harry looked up at him expectantly.

"That's it?"

Draco nodded.

"You mean all _that_, just for this?"

Draco was about to nod again, when he decided that he was feeling rather nice today. "I can take you to all these places if you aren't afraid of getting caught by Filch. I mean, I'm a prefect, but you..."

"I'll be fine," Harry answered confidently, glad that he had decided to bring his invisibility cloak.

Draco arched an eyebrow in surprise. "So what will you say when Filch sees you?"

"He won't see me." Harry said taking out his invisibility cloak. "I've got this."

"What's this?" Draco asked walking over and looking at the silvery cloak, "Merlin, an invisibility cloak?"

"Yeah," Harry said, watching Draco run long fingers over the fine material, "I got it in my first year."

Digesting what Harry had said, images went through Draco's mind. Images that included him getting hit by something that wasn't there. Now he realised, it was there all right, it was just invisible. He smiled sweetly at Harry before poking him in the stomach, hard.

"Ow!" Harry squealed doubling over, he scowled at Draco "What was that for?"

"Don't you what-was-that-for me. You know perfectly well what that was for."

Harry thought for a well. "Oh!" He bit his lip shamefully, "I'm sorry for all the crap I gave you, Draco."

Draco bit back a "you should be," and smirked at the apologetic boy. "Come on, Harry." He said graciously as he walked out of the room.

They chatted amiably about Quidditch as they walked along the empty corridors but, when their conversation turned to the quidditch cup, _strangely_ their chat stopped being so amiable. Just as their nice little chat was about to turn into a full-blown shouting match, footsteps were heard and a tired looking Hermione Granger appeared.

"What are you doing here, Mu-" a sharp poke at the side from Harry "Granger?"

"Exactly what you're doing, Malfoy." Hermione said, "Except I'm not sure that you're doing a right job of it." She said looking suspicious. "Who were you talking to? I heard voices."

"Oh, didn't you know? Ha-" another sharp poke from Harry indicated that Hermione certainly did not know and that he wasn't planning on letting her know, either.

"Know what?"

"...That I enjoy having stimulating chats with myself while I do my duties." Draco finished hastily.

"You were shouting." Hermione said, flatly. "Are you sure there isn't someone with you?"

"Of course not! As I said, stimulating conversations! Carry on with the good job, Granger!" Draco babbled, speeding away.

Hermione watched as Malfoy run off. _Hmm..._

Meanwhile, after making sure that the meddling mudblood was no where in sight Draco stopped, panting and poking randomly around him until a startled gasp told him that he had hit the right spot.

"What did you do that for?" Harry squealed.

"Two reasons, 1) You poked me twice back there and I want my revenge and 2) Let me get under that cloak with you."

"What?"

"I don't think that I can handle meeting up with anyone, again. Plus, it feels stupid talking to someone I can't see."

A pause, signifying that Harry was deep in thought.

"Let me in or else I'm leaving," Draco snapped sensing Harry's reluctance.

"Fine." Harry snapped back. He felt a blast of cold air as the cloak was lifted and then everything was warm again as he felt Malfoy's body huddle against him to keep itself under the cloak. Both boys had grown quite a bit over the summer and that meant that they had to stay close to each other in order to fit. Stay very close. Harry _had _been under the cloak with both Ron and Hermione before, but sharing the cloak with his two best friends and sharing the cloak with the Slytherin Prince were two, _quite_ different things. Harry gasped as he felt Draco's slim arm snake around his waist.

"You're standing too far outside," Draco explained, smirking slightly. They continued their tour of the school in this fashion with Harry blushing furiously and Draco smirking that trademark smirk of his.

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Thank you to all the people that reviewed, I really appreciated them, I get so excited when I read them ! Thanks so much! I hope you enjoyed reading the second chapter of this fic.

Oh, and do you think that Draco is evil enough?

And, do you think that I should raise the rating?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Harry and Draco and everybody else belong to J.K Rowling.

Summary: Harry needs kissing lessons and who could be a better (or worse) teacher than Malfoy?

Warning: SLASH. If you don't like boy/boy relationships, don't read this. Oh, and bad language. ˊ -- ˋ

A.N: Third chapter! Thanks for your wonderful reviews!

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Chapter Three

Harry glanced nervously at Draco and gulped. "Now?" he whispered.

The blond boy nodded, "Now," he affirmed.

Harry gulped again and pulled the ingredients from the inside of his robes and dropped it into the cauldron.

The cauldron emitted a curious sound that was similar to gas and after a great deal of shaking... Exploded.

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"See!" Draco laughed, "I told you that it'll be foolproof."

"What do you mean by foolproof?" Harry muttered darkly. "All the people in Slytherin _and_ Gryffindor wanted to strangle me. Did you _see_ the look on Snape's face?"

"But he didn't do anything did he? He didn't even give you detention!" Draco exclaimed gleefully.

"That was because _you _were my partner. If my partner was anyone else..." Harry shuddered at the thought.

"That just shows how ingenious my plan was!"

And the plan _was _ingenious if not in an extremely strange way.

"See," Draco continued jubilantly, "If you didn't do what I had told you to do earlier we would've never got paired up!"

What exactly was Draco's brilliant plan?

When Snape was lecturing about the hair-growing potion that they were going to brew that lesson, Harry raised his hand to ask a question. Well, this may not mean a lot to you but remember this is_ Snape's_ class that we're talking about here. It is an unwritten but well-known rule that when Snape lectures, you shut up and you take notes. Also remember that the person that we are talking about is _Harry._ It is no secret that Snape hates Harry. So naturely, people were quite shocked when they saw Harry's hand in the air. However this was nothing, and I repeat _nothing_ compared to what Harry was going to do next.

"Professor," Harry asked, trying his hardest to look innocent and knowledge-thirsty, "What brand of shampoo do you use?"

The silence in the room was deafening.

"What did you just say, Potter?" Snape asked in dangerously low tones.

This was Draco's cue to step in. He looked at Harry's terrified expression to the _murderous_ (a light way of putting it) expression on Snape's face to the looks of awe and horror on his fellow classmates' faces. He didn't really blame them; he would be scared too if he couldn't _twist_ Snape around his little finger. Which he could, so... whatever...

"Yes, professor" Draco piped in, "This is a really interesting question. I mean, how do you keep your hair so smooth and silky?"

If looks could burn, Draco would find himself the namesake of a girl we all know very well: Cinderella.

Since looks couldn't burn and Draco wasn't getting carried by the air over the school grounds, he blithely continued. "It's almost like you pour oil over your hair, you know?"

The entire class backed away as Snape marched up to his (former) favourite student. "You..." Snape gasped, breathing heavily.

"Why, are you alright, Professor?" Draco asked in (fake) concern, "You seem to be finding it hard to breathe! Do you need me to bring Madam Pomfrey?"

"No..." Snape wheezed, "Get in your...gr-groups. Mr. Malfoy, your partner for this project is Mr. Potter."

Snape smirked over the heads of the scurrying students at Draco and Draco smirked right back. Snape had acted _exactly_ the way that Draco wanted him to. The greatest punishment for Draco (or so Snape thought) was to pair him up with his worst enemy, Harry Potter.

And _that _was why, despite the fact that all the people in his class -except for Potter and Draco, in which the potion had miraculously _flown _over, attacking every other person in the classroom -were sprouting long and amazingly_ greasy_ hair all over the place, Snape had allowed Potter to walk free instead of making the _insolent brat_ take detention with him for the rest of his miserable life. He certainly would have done had Draco not been Potter's partner. _I indulge the boy too much,_ he thought as he watched Draco sneer at Weasley's ridiculous profile, but he couldn't help it. Draco's uncanny resemblance to his father didn't make it any easier for Snape either.

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"Come on, admit it," Draco cajoled, "You thought that it was funny as well."

Harry ignored him and stuck his nose into the air in a very Hermione fashion.

"Did you even _see _the Weasel?"

Harry thrust his nose further into the air to show his contempt but was really trying very valiantly not to laugh. Ron _did _look absolutely hilarious with the red hair sprouting everywhere. In fact Hermione had looked even _more _ridiculous because instead of just being a big hair mountain like the others, she was also an extremely _bushy _one that took up about twice the amount of space. But there was no way he was going to admit it to Draco though that he found it funny, _no way._

"Come on... I know you've got a sense of humour." Draco whined poking him in the side. "You thought it was a blast, didn't you?"

Harry couldn't help but join in. "The _look _on Snape's face." he snorted.

They grinned at each other before stepping into the Hospital Wing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry wasn't grinning any more when he accompanied two _very _humourless people back to the Gryffindor common room.

"I _can't _believe that they had to _pull _all the hair out to stop it growing!" Ron growled.

"It's not that bad is it?" Harry asked guiltily.

"Oh yes it is!" Ron said, "Try plucking out just _one _of the hairs on your arm."

Harry tried and _it hurt like hell_.

"That hurt, eh? Well try doing it to yourself with a pair of tweezers for over 4 hours! I mean, of all the potions to fuck up Harry, you just had to fuck up this one. And, most miraculously, you managed to make us all sprout greasy hair! _Did you know how difficult it was to pull all that greasy hair out with the tweezers slipping every godamned time?_"

"I'm sorry?" Harry squeaked.

The shriek that Hermione sent in reply rang throughout the castle and sent all the people and portraits alike running for cover.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"How long do we have to wait?" Harry whined, "My legs are getting cramped."

"Patience is a virtue." Draco chided, "Wait a little longer, this is the best watching place there is."

Harry didn't understand why the Great Hall would be the best place to spy on people snogging but what Draco say what Harry do. Draco had announced that for this lesson, in order for Harry to understand the art of kissing he was to see how others performed this task. Which was why Harry and Draco were currently squatting under the teacher's table with the invisibility cloak held over them. "Not that we'll need it. People would be too... _preoccupied_ to see us." Draco snickered, but Harry had brought it -_just in case._ He hadn't forgotten what had happened _last time _but he was willing to risk it. Anyways it _was _a nice -no scratch that- a rather _interesting _experience.

"Now," Draco gleamed.

Footsteps and giggling were heard and soon the Great Hall were filled with couples making out, kissing and -"Are they shagging?" Harry gasped- all over the tables that they ate their: breakfast, lunch_ and_ dinner off. Draco was right, the couples were blissfully oblivious to the couples and spectators surrounding them or ..., "Is that a _threesome _over there?" Harry squealed.

Draco sighed, Harry was just so _Harry._ He hadn't seen half the things yet. He yanked Harry up, "Come on, Harry." he said walking towards the nearest couple.

"What for?"

"To get a look of course. How can we see their techniques if we're over there? Here hold this."

"What's this?" Harry asked wrapping his fingers around the strange object. A candle appeared into view and under it was..." Shit! The Hand of Glory!" Harry yelped and would had dropped it if Draco had not wrapped his long tapered fingers around his own.

"Calm down," Draco hissed.

"Bu...But th-the Hand of Glory?"

"So what? We're not doing anything bad."

Harry was about to say that spying wasn't exactly good either, when he realised that Draco was doing this because of _him._ So stopped complaining and muttered an, "All right, sorry for freaking out."

Satisfied Draco started to walk again but was interrupted by a meek, "Err..."

"What is it _this _time, Potter?"

"Umm... I'm not going to drop the hand anymore... so uh... you can don't have to uh, hold on to my hand anymore..."

Being at the end of his patience Draco rounded on the shorter boy and was about to snarl a string of words that would burn through your computer when he realised that Harry was _blushing_. He must have thought... _The idiotic prat. _Draco thought fondly, Harry was so _dumb_ in such an infuriatingly adorable way.

"The Hand of Glory," Draco said gently, "Gives light to only the holder. So you see Harry, I have to hold it in order to see."

"Oh," Was all Harry was able to manage. Damn, what _was wrong with him?_! Here he was thinking that Draco was about to take advantage of him when all he wanted was to be able to see. _Not that Draco would want to take any advantage over me..._ he thought a little wistfully, which was _Wrong! Wrong! All wrong! What the hell is wrong with you, Harry James Potter?_

_There he is having a little battle with himself again,_ Draco thought as he watched Harry turn from white to pink then to blue and pink again. He eyed this amusing creature for a while before deciding that business was business and it had to be done. Plus the fact that the moans coming from behind him was getting "Oh, MERLIN!" _very intriguing. _"Come, Harry" Draco beckoned and the two of them leaned over the couple.

The sight was very tame. _Disappointing, really,_ Draco thought. Just two people kissing, sure, topless and with quite a good amount of tongue action but _That's it? What was all that moaning for?_

For Harry, it was quite a different matter. "Seamus? And Dean?" He whispered, as the moans grew higher and higher.

"Yeah, they come here _all _the time." Draco said off-handedly, "Now look at this tongue movement, Harry. It's pretty good. Oh and this one, Seamus is not a bad one to learn off, you know. But," he said, pulling the dumbfounded boy after him to another couple, "These two are some of the best there are at this school,_ apart from me of course_."

"Oh, Merlin. Ginny? With Parkinson?" Harry moaned as he watched the pretty redhead run her fingers through the blond girl's hair.

"Yeah, apparently it's a little fling from both sides. They've been at it for weeks." Draco said cheerily, "Can't blame them though. Hate to admit it, but the Weaselette is _good._ You can tell just by looking at her. Hmmm... wonder if _we _can have a go at it, sometime..."

"No!" Harry yelped, face turning from green to red.

"Why ever not?"

Harry fumbled for words, _Yeah, why not?_

"Ohoho, jealous are you?" Draco laughed bending close to Harry, "Don't want me to be kissed by anyone else, do you _Harry?"_

Harry gulped. Draco was so near and his voice was so dangerously velvety and... "I'm n-not jealous!" Harry finally managed, "I was... worrying 'bout Ginny!"

"Oh?" Draco asked, eyebrow raised.

Harry glared furiously while blushing, equally furiously.

"Whatever you say," Draco said smirking seductively.

The rest of the evening was rather uneventful. They passed some fifth, seventh and other students in their own year level with Draco stopping occasionally to point out their good points and bad points to Harry.

"So, is that it?" Harry asked as they passed the last couple.

"Yes, I should think that that's about it."

Harry's shoulder sagged with relief.

"Oh, but there's one more." Draco said pointing the shadowy couple that was sitting in the corner.

"No," Harry whined.

"This group is important! Now look, Harry," Draco said, suddenly looking very serious, "This couple has all the stuff that you _do NOT_ learn. I'm not even sure that I should show this to you. Remember, if you find yourself doing something that is remotely similar to the things that these two people are doing, IT IS WRONG. Understand?"

Harry nodded meekly. Who were these two people? Just how bad were they? _Draco looks really serious, must be horrible._

The two of them inched closer cautiously.

"Look at that guy; he's looks like he's eating her face." Draco pointed.

"Yeah, it does. Man..." Harry looked a little closer. Shit, it wasn't... was it?

"R-Ron?" he shrieked.

The red haired boy looked up revealing...

"Hermione!"

There they were. His two best friends _sucking like vacuum cleaners on each other's faces._ This was... Harry felt dizzy as the walls started to spin.

"Who's there?" Ron asked sharply.

"No ones there, Ron. Come back." Hermione said reaching lazily for her boyfriend.

Harry felt his surroundings disappear as he fell into darkness.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Harry! Snap out of it!"

Harry looked up to find that he was sitting in the room of requirement with Draco who had a look of ill-disguised amusement.

"Was it that much of a shock to you?" Draco asked.

"No! Yes! I mean I knew they were together but kissing in the Great Hall? _After _curfew? Like _that_?"

"Something you wouldn't be expecting the mudblood to do, huh? But, trust me they've been at it there nearly all the times _I'm _there, and that's _a lot."_

"Oh, man... Draco?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever considered writing a book about kissing?"

"No, why?"

"Because if you did, I think I'll give it to Hermione as a Christmas present, this year."


End file.
